You're at the corner Gas-N-Go doing some mindless chore when suddenly you find yourself face to face with a little cutie who's gazing back at you with that glassy, just a bit wide-eyed-and-lost look that we all love to see. You smile and make some remark about something and she lights up and either gives you a great return smile, or maybe. just a flash of a doe-eyed, "take me" look -- deepening the signal. Pre-occupied, you make nothing of it -- exchange a few pleasantries and turn away. You spot her once again at the counter while checking out, but either she won't look at you now or gives you that quick sort of longing "could have been" look and then is gone. A few minutes later while driving back home think to yourself.
"Geez, was that chick flirting with me or what?." And so it goes. another unlikely SURPRISE chance to hook up with a hot little number shot down the tubes. This used to happen to me constantly! Not frequently, mind you (I wish) -- but whenever I did catch a surprise flirt like this the result was always the same.
nothing! That's because my reaction to it was always the same: total lock-up! Part of this failure to engage can be chalked up simple DISBELIEF: by the time you realize. "hey, is this chick flirting with me or what?" the magical moment has already gone sour and the opportunity is kaput. I talk in my books about how your best chances with women will often seem to happen unexpectedly when and where you least imagine them -- which is why it is so very important in gaming women to be able to switch gears and spring into action at the first sign of any sudden connection! So this "catch-a-chance" skill is critically important to your overall success with women.
Alright then, with this idea now established let me share a few of my thoughts on this ONE particular maddening aspect of gaming women: the surprise flirt. 1) Don't Freeze-Up Wondering why YOU could be Her Guy -- The single biggest killer in this situation is HESITATION. Like so much of the sport of gaming women, timing is everything. However, in this situation minutes don't matter, SECONDS matter. When a chick opens a sudden flirt you literally have a window of opportunity available to you that's measured in mere seconds. You should almost see a ten second counter open up over her head that immediately begins running down 9.
8.7. to remind you of how little time you have to act in a way that plays perfectly off her opening volley. The big mental block as I mentioned before is usually disbelief. But while you're wondering if a chick this cool could actually be flirting with a lowlife such as yourself, precious seconds are ticking away and with it goes your chance! If she's not immediately seeing the reaction she was hoping for from you. SHE READS THIS AS A REJECTION! Once that happens she will pull back (I've actually seen them physically snap back) and the flirt is over.
Women have no tolerance for rejection and will rarely try to push through it like a guy might. MAJOR RULE: You never know what any other person in the world considers to be their "type". You've seen loads of women arm-in-arm with gross, grubby dudes. So don't waste any precious time whatsoever wondering how some chick like this could find someone like you attractive enough to flirt with.
Just accept her judgement and GO WITH IT! No falling back into your psy-protective shell and then making endless excuses about it all later to yourself. No over-thinking of what's going on, no suspicion of motives, no paranoia, no DISBELIEF -- none of that junk must be allowed to intrude into your mind at this critical moment when you're "on the clock" -- because that stuff will only result in lock-up, and once that happens it's game-over. 2) A Sudden Flirt is Always your Chance to Shine -- It doesn't matter if your silly little joke is lame or if your words are stuttering or smooth (or even what exactly you say to her), the important thing is that you are attempting to react to her GIFT OF A FLIRT in a positive way that reflects those good feelings right back at her! Your willingness to pick up a flirt and give it right back to a chick speaks volumes about yourself instantaneously. and it's all good stuff! It says that you're likely active socially (and therefore something of a catch), have good self-esteem, that you're pleasantly extroverted around people almost as a reflex, and so on. This is the best way to communicate these various types of qualities to women.
with your ACTIONS rather than your bragging lips! You're being given the opportunity to put yourself over with a quiet charm instead of a lot of blather, and you should seize this chance with enthusiasm because it doesn't come by very often. A woman initiating a flirt is taking a personal risk to give you a big juicy GO signal in the only way she knows how -- admittedly a bit awkward and the entire "surprise" thing is somewhat unfair -- but unfairness ABOUNDS throughout the universe of man-woman affairs of the heart, and so why should this aspect of it be any different? 3) Let Her "Win" the Flirt -- remember, she started all this and so it's really HER play. That means if you blow her off and fail to respond to her flirt (even if it's because of your own disbelief) it won't matter, she'll feel rejected and will quickly flee the scene. But. if you pick up her flirt and give it right back in a fun and friendly way, then SHE WINS! By that I mean you've verified her charm as a woman. she "won" your male attention! Get it? This sort of thing is thrilling to a woman and puts her in an instant happy/satisfied mood from which you can naturally be expected to seek to want to know more about her.
It plays into all her "chick flick" fantasies! So once you've spread the good vibes around in this way, you should. 4) Follow Up Immediately -- Get her name and number and pop it straight into your cellphone, or use a low-tech pen and scrap of paper, whatever you need to make it possible to hook up with her again. Or, offer to meet her somewhere within the next 1-3 days at some common ground, some "happening" place? A nightclub, a corner bar, a local event, a bowling alley. whatever. Whatever fits your particular style and surroundings and is a place that you would normally frequent. Figure out what this actual place would be IN ADVANCE and have it stored away in your noggin always ready to use.
Then just invite (don't "ask" and especially don't beg!) her to meet you at XYZ Club this Friday night. you know they have great steamed clams or killer Buffalo wings, etc. (know something about the joint!). Make it a safe, public venue that you would usually hang out at. somewhere she would certainly know about if she lives in the area.
Invite her to meet you there for a drink or a coffee or to watch you play softball. "You seem very charming (cool, fun-loving)" is all you need to say. Simple words spoken WHERE THEY ARE WELCOME will rock her world! Inviting her out to a public party spot also has the added benefit of making you seem like a social, happening guy -- rather than whining for her "magic 7 digits" like some porn-downloading nerd. Tantalizing a woman to JOIN YOUR WORLD as opposed to "saving you" makes a rockin' statement about your high male status.
These impressions are subtle, but they are psychologically powerful. So in review, DON'T JUDGE WHY -- LET HER WIN THE FLIRT -- HAVE A PLAN FOR FURTHER CONTACT. Write these down on a card and stick them on your bathroom mirror so you can see them every morning. This will drive these ideas deep into your mind so that the next time you get hit with a surprise flirt from some hottie pumping gas next to you, you'll be able to react within seconds.
In the sparkle of her eye!.
By learning how to mimic key behaviors that women find attractive in so called "alpha males", Mike Pilinski overcame an incredible case of rejection phobia. His resulting success forms the basis for the methods that he now teaches men. Visit Mike's website at http://www.HighStatusMale.com to see his highly acclaimed e-books "Without Embarrassment" and "She's Yours For The Taking: A Man's Guide to the Seduction and Enchantment of Women".
